Wednesday, January 26, 2011

plans in the dark

You have no plans in the dark
False slippery stars disappearing around me

Scolding me for believing in them
Like permanent flowers that always come around again
Fading to my feet the roots of death give me life
And hound me to rise
When I want to look down because I don’t believe in the stars
I find myself in a forest with no trees
Pleading to please
I wanted to wash them and wonder at them
Those trees that also pretend to be around
Against their own walls of themselves
They fall onto the truth that they’ve never really been there
I fall to my own mud
With no one to blame
I have no trees
Because I never knew I was supposed to plant them
I depended on them being there already, like the stars
Great storms bringing me to and from the heights
From my hiding in no trees
This voice has no more to express than a screaming flower
That no one else will hear,

I have no map
Because I didn’t know I was supposed to have one
I thought I was making my own direction
A new one every day
A healthy one, a happy one
But the wind brings me back to my own crumbs
The same ones I planted for lovers as I planted for myself
Those crumbs that lead me back to 12 o’clock
Spelling the same life with an older face
Spelling me, haunting me

I have no desire to be cool
Just honest
I wanted to love honestly
That doesn’t work, I see
My feelings strangle me
And flip me like a possessed child in a flowing nightgown
And makes me mouth my hair that dies on my head
It makes me eat my word when I’ve over-served
And after I’m gone I’m still there
Just to bother myself again
And slither back into me

Racing monsters
After they’ve been me
They brilliantly share themselves
For the world to see
Slit throats of animals we eat
Slit words for us to eat
Sharing and cherishing the disgusting
Busting blood and entanglements, godliness
We’ll never keep
Experimenting and excreting the worst of peace
Keeping hold of clouds
And illusion spoken out loud

You have no plans in the dark
False slippery stars disappearing around me

E. Kelly's Spiritual Journey on No one owns another
"Being alone in life with God, none of us owns another.  We should be responsible and loving but not possessive.  However, we can appreciate the love others give us, knowing that in its pure state, it is God's love." 

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