Thursday, February 10, 2011

running away

I remember pulling my bed so close to the window and feeling drizzle on my face and I'd wake with no shades, sun on my bed and nothing at all to do:

Yesterday I drove through a bunch of bees and I wondered if it were an omen of something good to happen.  And low and behold it was.  Suddenly I have a place, a comfort, a truth.  Just for this one time.  This could be the most beautiful heaven there is.  What an office.  I’d pay a million if I could afford it but it’s free.  Writing on the beach rocks, watching Jamal wade, he might say of me She was the one taking chances, she was the one with the truth.  If I could ask anyone anything I would ask how to be free.  Then I’d show you my answer of how I did it, how I got free.  I’d tell you: by visualizing.

Sometimes I surprise myself and I have a connection, a total groove of understanding.  I see them coming in like the only answer it could be.  Those waves.  That freedom.  A simple suggestion came for a reason to write, and if I could only catch words the way I catch thoughts.  I have to ask where they come from, and if they would please come again.  Nice place to work he said, yes, over the waves it is a good place to work.  I had a reason to come here.  And I did.  He would go in naked on a day like today, because this is paradise, and no one cares what you do in paradise. 

Talk to me about the waves.  Teach me about the ocean.  So huge, I get distracted.  Look at this dad playing with his son who will be one day a grown idiot like the rest of us.  Look at his game.  His trick.  His show off.  Look at the low pants, at the blink of underwear, shouting to lost eyes.  You better have caught that.  Did you hear her scream?  Lots of people scream when they can’t help it.  I wonder if everyone stopped playing, what would it be like?  I wonder if I’m really living.  Look at the falling sand.  Look at where we can all live for a while.  That rock looks like a bear and that old lady looks like a rock and I know she sees faces in the sea foam- she told me.  How I love the solitude how I love the energy to be alone and happy with it.  No one could buy this for me.  The cormorants are graceful torpedoes riding the thermals of the shore, but they seem uneasy on the rocks, as if they’re just waiting for the right moment.  Look at what can happen in the rocks.  I had a reason to start writing, now what was it?  Every kid’s experience is only what they are told.  And an annoying mother is always an annoying mother.  I don’t know if I can do this.  But I am.  Do you mind shutting up if you are going to sit right next to me?  Look at the young kids.  Look at them play.  I have a love for all the children right here on the beach.  Here’s a big kiss to the world and to the lives of the fabulous and the fabulously forgotten and here’s an embrace to the years, the static of the waves the wind and the cove.  

E. Kelly's Spiritual Journey on You are what you believe

"If you ask people if they believe in God they will say "Yes, yes, I believe in God."  But if you know them, you will see that they believe in liquor or sex or drugs or hard work or money - a million things - but not God.  Our belief is demonstrated on what we depend on.  Our lives are our religions.  If we believe in things that are vulnerable, we take on that same vulnerability."

cave face, La Jolla 

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