Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Seat 11K
Casablanca – NY

She had the look of a waiting donkey.  Not miserable, but in despair, to await carrying a load 3 times her size to what seems from nowhere to nowhere.  She sat next to me speechless, wrists folded atop each other in a black windbreaker holding her yet still in place.  Each small movement made noise, and she didn’t make much noise.

Looking ahead, waiting, her sleepless eyes had heavy long lids and straight downward lashes; they moved in a crowd of lashes as if also being told what to do.  She had no resistance.  Patience.  And her smallest nose poked the air as if not to bother anything.  She was well behaved and well on her way to nowhere.  Her nostrils barely scooped.  She barely breathed.

The two gentlemen in front of me had leg seats.  They were animated, stirring the air in arms and nods- heaven knows what they were speaking of.  The one in my direct front- the conductor- broke into English before takeoff and asked if the cake under his seat was ok.  I made the mistake of saying yes.  And kicked it the whole way across the Atlantic.

The two draped women behind me are older and angry.  The one directly behind me pushed my seat from recline to erect- twice.  The first time I let it go, OK, I said no word as she pushed.  The 2nd time I turned a dirty look and pushed my seat back to where it was.  People will take what they can- she even took my pillow from behind.  Nasty old bag.

Seat 16F 
about to take off from JFK to CDG 

How much can change in such a short time.  I’ve been thinking of P’s prosthetics and not to be in a rush to find a replacement of someone to love.  I agree with him: "Entanglements are warm and comforting but disentanglements leave members in search of prosthetics."  Old stuff.  New stuff.  Old thoughts in new moments- it perpetuates what I know.  I notice I’ve become attached to the past- with justification that holds me there.  I can be justified.  The airplane smells like fuel.  Really gross.  

I just had one of the weirdest things happen to me- one of the scariest moments in my life.  I was standing in line to check my bag at American Airlines and I was suddenly overcome with an ill feeling.  I began to black out.  I was sweating, my whole body wet, my face and I almost fell.  I was wobbly, seeing black, feeling faint, so wanting to sit.  I was 3rd in line, then 2nd.  It hit the worst when I was 1st in line, I thought oh my God I’m going to faint, I’m going to faint right here 1st in line.  And I asked my angels to protect me.  As now this moment I ask during takeoff to be saved.  Liftoff.  In my own personal game I thought to myself whatever I land up writing during exact liftoff would be of significance to me.  And it was to be saved.  I think I need to turn to God.

Lack of tailwinds are getting us there at 11:16AM, 45 minutes late.  I wonder what causes lack of tailwinds?  Is it normal?  Nonetheless I feel I am right on time.

E. Kelly's Spiritual Journey on You can bank on group energy:

"Anchor yourself simply to the search for God, aware that human beings - all of you - are very much like atomic bombs, with enormous power.  You have to know how to use that power and especially how not to use it."

plane tracks, Charles de Gaulle 

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