Wednesday, January 18, 2012

love scenes

June 15, 2011

A soul left his world because he couldn’t handle it.  He took his own route.  I know about thoughts about that route.  He took it on Memorial Day weekend.  And don’t I feel chubby in my veins and stomach to be here, witnessing, in percentages, feeling when all those years ago I was the one vomiting the charcoal.  I was the one vomiting the charcoal because I was singing as it came out- those white dots, those silly aspirin at 13, when all I wanted to do was make it through Catholic school punishments and humiliation.  It all came out in a yellow bucket, the black charcoal sky and the pretty white dots that never did, never did take my life.  I think it was a cry- there in my light blue sweater neck, there on the kitchen floor.  No one was home.  I was always so dramatic: let them find me here, passed out, friends with death, but not good friends- as if I was the alchemist of measure to know how to play Juliet.  No no no oh no.  My mom came home and took me, annoyed, to the emergency room.

Shelter Island 

E. Kelly's Spiritual Journey on "Love Must Evolve":
"It isn't knowledge that changes us, but the capacity to realize and express in our lives what we know to be true... The direction of our own energy is what will save us.  You see, we all know.  Everybody knows.  Knowing is not enough.  We must realize, live...  Then do it.  Do it.  Little by little.  Give up what other people do.

And give up guilt.  Guilt is like rust; it is not vital or living.  People laden with guilt usually are suffering more from their reactions to life than to life itself.  Thus they are caught up in something that is not real."

Thursday, January 5, 2012

she pressed her life

Jesus walks in the sun for me.

In the dusty slumber of life you’ve been swallowed, been buried twice.
I wipe my hands on moss from my love, dirt covering you, finding you.

In the red of death I kiss the distance in your eyes
You kept the world in them, every color
And by looking at me you showed me peace
Such black stares of peace
And now I trample in the parks of despair
My constancy, where did you go?
Wrapped up in rose and gold, where did you go?
There’s no such thing as heaven, not even time,
So my dear, where did you go?
Where does such beauty vanish, my rarest, sweetest girl?
You walked quietly, gracefully, for 16 years.
Leaving right when the white blossoms were coming.  
Now they’re here and you're 
You left with a hush, 
In my arms.  

How did so much time already slip away?  She peeled out of this life we so simply shared.  She has a way of still curling up with me, and I smell her, her dusty head and warm little bones.  Some were hard, like her apple skull but still soft like her little ribs, her many little ones in her bending black paws.  I still feel her holding my hand, the way she’d step on me and press on me, just sitting.  She pressed her life in me.  

I hold it forever. 

Shelter Island

E Kelly's Spiritual Journey on Cherish Your Time: 
"Guard your time.  This moment is a treasure.  Don't give a minute to something that does not make you happy.  Don't endure anything that makes you feel less."