Wednesday, January 18, 2012
June 15, 2011
A soul left his world because he couldn’t handle it. He took his own route. I know about thoughts about that route. He took it on Memorial Day weekend. And don’t I feel chubby in my veins and stomach to be here, witnessing, in percentages, feeling when all those years ago I was the one vomiting the charcoal. I was the one vomiting the charcoal because I was singing as it came out- those white dots, those silly aspirin at 13, when all I wanted to do was make it through Catholic school punishments and humiliation. It all came out in a yellow bucket, the black charcoal sky and the pretty white dots that never did, never did take my life. I think it was a cry- there in my light blue sweater neck, there on the kitchen floor. No one was home. I was always so dramatic: let them find me here, passed out, friends with death, but not good friends- as if I was the alchemist of measure to know how to play Juliet. No no no oh no. My mom came home and took me, annoyed, to the emergency room.
E. Kelly's Spiritual Journey on "Love Must Evolve":
"It isn't knowledge that changes us, but the capacity to realize and express in our lives what we know to be true... The direction of our own energy is what will save us. You see, we all know. Everybody knows. Knowing is not enough. We must realize, live... Then do it. Do it. Little by little. Give up what other people do.
And give up guilt. Guilt is like rust; it is not vital or living. People laden with guilt usually are suffering more from their reactions to life than to life itself. Thus they are caught up in something that is not real."